When an Angel Deserves to Die
by PixieKindOfCrazy
Summary: Set after the God Complex. The Doctor is becoming more aware of his dark side, and he needs someone now to tell him that he's wrong.


**A/n**: I do not own Matt Sm-…I, I mean Doctor Who. I do not own Doctor Who.

Set after God Complex

Amy's POV

He screamed, launching chairs and lamps and anything else in the kitchen. It was a horrible sound. He threw anything he could get his hands on, anything in his path. I just kept looking down, I hated this. He's my best friend and I have no idea how to comfort him or even begin to deal with him when he's like this.

Earlier today I'd wondered what his fear was….if he even had a room. I'd quickly dismissed that thought because of two things. One, that's stupid; I KNOW the Doctor's afraid of things. He's had so many bad dreams in his life and he doesn't even sleep…that I know of. And two; I don't want to think about the things that haunt him. They'd probably do me in. I'm not an idiot; I know he has a dark side. I just didn't always, so I…don't know what to do when it comes out. Not most times. Because most times, giving him a hug and muttering "gotcha" in his ear won't work. Not completely. Because I see him wander the halls of the TARDIS late at night, wearing an expression of a person who's seen too many things, done too many things, and lost so many people.

He came over now, looking like the walking dead. That look of weakness caused by years of pain in his eyes, "Alright then. Let's figure this out. We thought it fed on fear, but she wasn't afraid. She was calm…."

I sort of tuned him out. I could hear he wasn't actually over any of the three deaths. But he kept talking, he kept trying to figure it out. He's still trying to save us. He probably never stops. Likewise, I couldn't stop looking down. It was a cruel world that it had to be like this. That such a kind man had to have darkness haunt him in his head. It's not what he wants, I know. Dark? The thought almost makes me laugh when I think of all the times he's tried to force me to eat fish fingers and custard. Such a child. A child shouldn't be this way….

"It's after her," I looked up at the sound of the Doctor referring to me, after all, I was the only her left here….

I got up, "Me? Why does it want me?"

I wasn't really religious. I wasn't superstitious. I had no crazy theories or obsessions. The only things I was devoted to was my family. Including, Rory and the Doctor. Ma boys.

The Doctor walked closer to me, and I saw realization dawn in his eyes, but the realization seemed to make him sad, "Because of your faith in me."

Of course. I always believed in him. He's my best friend. He's my Raggedy Doctor. I mean, he's no Rory, but he's….I dunno, HIM. Like the weird brother you never wanted but wouldn't ever want to lose.

I gave him a strange look. Yes, faith is bad right now, so it's not safe that I have it at this moment…but it didn't look like he was scared for me, scared I'd get consumed by the monster. It looked more like….he'd just realized he'd killed a puppy or something…. Then I got it. He blamed himself.

We ran the halls of the creepy 80's hotel until we found a room to hide in. I stared dumbfounded at young me…sitting on that pale yellow suitcase Mum had given me. I remember this dream. I used to have it all the time, for months after he left the first time. I'd dream of him saying he'd be right back. "five minutes" he'd said. I'd remember how excited I was, 'oh to see the stars' I'd think. Then I'd wait, and I'd fall asleep waiting, believing he'd come, having faith he'd be back….then darkness, I remember the darkness of sleep and his voice saying "Amelia Pond" and I'd wake up, and sit there. I'd sit there forever. I remember seeing myself as an old lady, wearing the same nightie, sitting on the suitcase and waiting….

I was knocked out of my thoughts by the Doctor leaning down beside me, "I took you. I took you because I was selfish. I was vain. I took you because I wanted to be adored. I'm not the hero. Let go of your faith in me. I really am just a mad man with a box. It's time we see each other for what we really are…Amelia Pond, the girl who waited…stop waiting for me," he spoke slowly and kissed my head, but all I did was look at him with tears in my eyes, even with the minotaur drawing closer, I didn't care. I just didn't want to believe what my friend was saying. I knew he thought of himself in a bad light, but….how can he tell me to let go? I so desperately don't want to see him for all of what he is. I don't want to lose my faith. It's scary. I mean, he's…the Doctor. If he doesn't always save the day, then who will? And again, he's my best friend. He's not evil.

Then suddenly it became clear to me, and I lost my faith. Because I realized something; heroes don't always win. Heroes aren't always all good all the time. Too much pressure and no one is. But…I couldn't get myself to see him as a hero in that moment, because yeah-a lot of times he is a hero. A lot of time, he has the best character I've ever known, and the most light possible inside a heart. Excuse me, two hearts. But at so many other times, he's just the Doctor. He is selfish. He is full of himself. He is lonely. He is angry. He's so confused and yet he's probably rejecting things he's knows but wishes weren't true. He's just a man. A tired old man. Or a boy, a frightened and sad little boy. A lost soul still trying to help….

I blinked and he was gone. He was out in the hall with the dying minotaur. Then suddenly, the room became an animated encoded program. The floors were black with blue lines. There were messages scrawling through the air, and the Doctor was reading them, explaining to us what this place was as Rory looked out the peephole at space….

And then we were stepping out of the Tardis into the cool fall air of London. Suburbs by the look of it. Nice ones….that's a pretty house. I laughed because as soon as I saw the car I knew what the Doctor had done; he'd bought us a townhouse and a car….that daft old man.

"Why now? After all we've been through Doctor…all of it. Why just leave now, like we only shared a cabbie together?" I couldn't help that I was choking up. He's not supposed to leave. That wasn't in my plans. It was gonna be me and my boys saving the universe. Forever…or as long as possible. Amy and The Doctor…in the TARDIS. I love him. I never denied that. I love the Doctor. He's brilliant and sweet, mad and hilarious, brave and awkward, adorable and actually frightening at times. But it was him, and I loved my friend. Even if I didn't love him in THAT way, like I do Rory, doesn't mean I don't love him with all my heart. And it definitely doesn't mean I'm okay with him just leaving us.

"Because you're still breathing," the way he said it, it's like he knew what would happen. Like he'd had it happen before. He was preventing the past from repeating itself…..

He stepped into the TARDIS and did that awkward wave thing he does. He was always rubbish at goodbyes. I laughed madly. God, I'm gonna miss him.

"You'll see me again," he promised.

I rolled my eyes, "'Course I will. If ya didn't visit, I'd find ya wherever ya were in space and kill ye, and ya know it."

He grinned, "Bye Pond."

"Bye," I choked out, "my Raggedy Doctor," I smiled weakly at him.

I watched dejectedly, forcing myself to let him go, as the TARDIS faded more and more with each whirr.

"What's he doing?"

Rory's question broke my heart a little. _He's leaving, Idiot_. _The adventure's over…_ then I remembered what he'd just told me 'you might have even scarier adventures waiting for you in there' and he was right, family, love. That IS an adventure. A mighty difficult one too. And he's not gone forever, I can feel it. He wouldn't do that. He's too scared of me. I smiled, but it faded quickly, "He's saving us," and as I said the words I realized I'd never been more proud of him.

I realized as I was sitting in the den watching some old movie with Rory that the Doctor would need someone at a time like this. He'll always need someone. And I suddenly remembered I had River's cell phone number (she'd tricked it out with some spacey tech that lets it get like AMAZING long distance and always makes sure the timelines are synched before the phone sends any messages or calls).

I quickly got out my phone and sent a text to River: _Do you by any chance think the Stormcage guards would let you out for a quick vacation? _

I smiled to myself as I waited for her response. Not a minute later, my phone buzzed.

"Who's that?" Rory looked up from the movie.

"Our daughter," I quipped back casually, like I text my daughter in her space prison all the time.

"Oh, okay."

I grinned as I read her response: _What did he do this time? PS-When I break out, the guards have no say in the matter. _

I laughed and typed back a reply. She always was two steps ahead of us all:_ It's not what he's done. It's what he thinks he's done. _

I got a reply within the next 30 seconds: _On my way to the TARDIS now. _

Doctor's POV

I empty. Again. I left someone. Again. It only made me feel slightly better that the alternative to leaving them was probably getting them killed. I walked away from the console to the railing, turning to face the console, looking all around. Nothing. I turned to face the window, to look out at space. Somehow, even with all the stars there, I saw nothing again.

I shouldn't do this anymore. Ask innocent, brilliant people to see the stars and ruin them. It's not like anyone would say no. and then, before I know it, I've wrecked another life. Turned another fate off course. Infected them, with whatever the hell it is I suffer from. And all because I wanted to be liked, because I didn't want to be lonely, I wanted to see the wonder of the universe again. Restore the newness, the companions restore the newness for me….The clever girl was right; I do have a god complex.

I took them to see amazing things, beauty and adventure, but I also took from them. And it's pathetic that I can't even decide if it's worth it or not.

The minotaur's alien words floated through my head insistently, ringing true. At least the honest part of me knew it was true. "Taking the innocent in an endless maze, just to be adored. Such a creature deserves to die."

The worst part about that; I'd agreed. I believed it was true, such a creature should die. And that's why I killed the minotaur in the first place. It actually made me feel a bit better about this murder of a beautiful creature, yet another murder. Because it actually agreed with me, I thought it believed the world would be better if it died, and it would in return sacrifice itself.

Until I heard its last dying words…. "I wasn't talking about myself."

And yet I still agree with it. _Such a creature deserves to die_ I gripped the handrail beside me, so hard it was turning my knuckles white. It hurt. I didn't really care though_._ I crumbled to the floors of the TARDIS console with those words banging in my head. Over and over. Over and over.

_Deserve to die. _

_Deserve to die. _

_Deserve to die._

I was going numb, and I wanted it. I wanted to not feel it- the pain, the guilt, the aloness here in the dark. I couldn't even cry. I was beyond that.

_Deserve to die. _

_Such a creature. _

_Deserve to die. _

"Oh Sweetie," a voice broke through my self-inflicted hell, a sweet, sympathetic, understanding, and sad voice.

_River, _I thought, but didn't look up from the floor.

River's POV

I saw him lying crumpled on the floor. He wasn't making a sound; he almost never does when he's like this. He looked pale and his hair was falling across his eyes. It hurt me to see this. My heart was being clenched and pulled into pieces, but I couldn't look away. It's like watching a supernova implode, so beautiful and so tragic. But it worse than that, because I didn't need the supernova to live, I wasn't connected to and I didn't love a supernova. But I did him. Such a beautiful disaster.

"Oh sweetie," that was the only thing I could say. I heard the coo of my voice float around the room, and I knew he knew I was here. His back tensed slightly. But he didn't look up. I heard his thoughts begin to stir in my head. He was unconsciously projecting again. Accidentally pushing his thoughts into the air. He did it a lot when he was upset. He lost control over the boundaries in his head. So I was able to hear him:

_River…._

He thought my name like a recognition, but not just a recognition. Like he'd finally realized who I was to him. He said my name in his mind like I was his holy grail. But what worried me was that he wasn't even looking up to me. Normally when he got this bad, he'd at least look at me. But it was like he was giving up. Like he'd found the answer to his prayer, but it came too late.

"I'm here, Sweetie," I laughed without humor, "And by the way. You're wrong. It's not all your fault."

My words seemed to spark a memory, a thought in his head.

_Such a creature deserves to die…. _

I gasped.

Something I rarely do. He didn't just feel guilty again, he felt like a monster.

I walked over to him and leaned down, cradling his face, "No," I said the harsh word with a gentle tone, for him, "Don't you do that! You don't deserve this. Please, don't listen to the voice in your head. "

_If you do this to yourself, you have no idea what it'd do to me_.

He shook his head, "River," he finally spoke, but his voice sounded like shattered glass, "You don't understand. I can't…I can't stop myself from ruining them…."

I shook my head at him and scoffed, "Honey…you just DID. Amy and Rory, their safe and happy and it's not the last time you'll see them. Honestly, do you really only see the bad of everything?"

It was a silly question, but I asked it. He sees the good and bad, just has no idea what to listen to.

He squinted, trying to see something that wasn't there, "What?"

"I know you're far from perfect, I know you twist people's lives. But you don't necessarily ruin them. Do you honestly think that Rose will spend the rest of her life looking for you? That Martha's not stronger now than she was before, and knows how to handle anything that comes at her family? That Donna will let anything stop her? She will always be like that even when she doesn't remember you. You changed all of their lives, but it wasn't all bad. You made Rose smarter, you made Martha stand up for herself. And yes, you're a lot to get over. But they did it. Everything's not always about you, you know?" I smirked down at him. His face. It killed me. He looked so alone. Like he hated himself. But in that moment, it broke. He started to smile.

The real, geniuine smile that reminds me of a little boy, "You trying to be 'the voice in my head' now?"

I laughed jubilantly, out of sheer relief, "Of course not, Doctor."

"Good…Song."

I smiled, "Song, huh? Are you cross with me now?"

He laughed, and I simultaneously let out a breath; he was better. Thank God.

"I'm always cross with you somehow. Don't quite get how."

I grinned; I knew why I irritated him, but maybe he hadn't figured it out quite yet. At any rate, I wouldn't tell him; spoilers.

**A/n**: Ok SO I wrote this in like 2 hours right after watching the God Complex because I got so inspired. And it's making me want to re-watch Ten's dark episodes so I can do character pieces on him. Anyways, review and favorite please. It makes me smile.


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